Monday, January 30, 2006

Goodbye, Dad

I haven't written in a while. Real life - and real death - came to me this past week with my father's passing last Monday. Although he had been ill for some time, the reality of his condition didn't really occur to me until I got the call Monday that he had died.

I'm so grateful for so many things regarding my dad's life and even his death, but I'm still sorting many of them out.

My dad was a smoker my entire life (he started when he was 15). In addition, he was diagnosed with diabetes when I was a senior in high school in 1981, so I hardly remember him being completely healthy. He developed complications because of his diabetes and his smoking, including emphysema, heart disease, and, toward the end, kidney failure. He was going to have to go on kidney dialysis in the near future, and I know he wouldn't have wanted that. Despite his health issues, he was an indepedent guy and didn't like to have to rely on others.

But I'm grateful that he died in his sleep, at home, with my mom by his side. I'm grateful that he had a fabulous final weekend. Just like my dad, he was active to the end. He and mom went for a drive (he drove) on Friday, they spent Saturday with my dad's brother and sister and their spouses, and he even went to the fireman's smoker on Saturday night. Sunday he was tired, and just kind of rested at home. On Monday morning, Mom couldn't wake him up, and it turned out his heart was just done fighting.

I'll miss him, that's for sure - but I know he's finished with this stage of his existence. I know I'll learn more about death and life because of him and I'm looking forward to having some of the conversations with him now we weren't able to have in this lifetime.

Goodbye for now, Dad.

9 Comments:

At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Dick Richards said...

It is a wonderful healing, Jodee, that you can express both grief and gratitude.

 
At 1:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad two years ago and can share some of your feelings.

I will be praying for you and the rest of your family continues without him.

May God bless you today!

Larry Speir

 
At 4:18 PM, Blogger zinger said...

Jodee,
My heart goes out to your loss and the love for your father. Take care and carry on caring.

 
At 1:16 AM, Blogger Maxine Montale (a.k.a. Digital Femme) said...

.. as I have always felt it to be, the word death could easily be substited for life and vice versa - it all depends on which side you happen to be on. Perhaps, it is just another stage of being. Jodee, this 3-Dimensional world is unlike all the other planes. The only way to get by is to learn to SEE THRU THE SOUL.

May your days be Soulful.

 
At 2:36 AM, Blogger Bart said...

Jodee,

My heart goes out to you and all ppl who your dad has touched in their hearts.

Bart

 
At 9:47 PM, Blogger Hanna Cooper said...

Jodee,

Know that I'm thinking of you & your family. What a beautiful tribute to your Dad.

Hanna

 
At 10:11 PM, Anonymous John Richardson said...

Hi Jodee,

I am sorry to hear of your loss. My dad passed away back in November and I understand what you are going thru. Take the good things that your dad passed along to you and share them with the world. This way you'll multiply his legacy.

My dad taught me amazing things. Some of these things have just come to life as I have looked back at pictures and read his stories. Dig deep, think back, and share your dad's wealth of ideas with the rest of us.

God will heal your heart. Let your mind dwell on the good times you had with your dad.

John Richardson

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Nukhet said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayer.

Here is to you, to your dad, and to the conversations you will be having with your dad,

Love you,
Nukhet

 
At 9:22 AM, Blogger Jodee said...

I am truly blessed and grateful to have so many heart connections - most of whom I've never met in person, but who share in this journey with me.

 

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