Encountering Skepticism

Or is it cynicism?

I wrote a post about this topic a long time ago and it's even a chapter in my book The 100% Factor. And I've been thinking about it again since I saw the new Michael Jackson movie This Is It on Sunday.

It wasn't the movie that got me thinking about skepticism - or cynicism - but the reaction I got from a friend of mine when I told him I'd seen the movie.

I get that we all have our own opinions, formed through experience, upbringing, conditioning, programming, and what one of my fellow master minders yesterday called "mother-father-teacher-preacher" influence.

My friend had a less-than-positive reaction to my attending the movie based on his opinion about Michael Jackson.

Even more interesting to me than his reaction, was my reaction to his reaction. I was very touched and moved by the movie, which caused me to want to utilize every ounce of talent and ability I have to serve the world. I guess I wanted him to be open to my interpretation of who I experienced Michael Jackson to be from that movie. His opinion of Michael Jackson was that he was "odd" and "weird" and "different." I asked him, "different than whom?" and he said "normal people."

So then all these questions went through my head in a split second. Really? Is that true? What is normal? Who sets the standard? Do we all have to be aware of that standard so we know what it means to be normal? Are we not OK if we're not normal? Am I judging him the same way I perceive he is judging me? If we have differing opinions about Michael Jackson, am I normal or is my friend normal? Do I even want to be normal?

Which brings me back to what I perceive as the distinction between being skeptical and being cynical. For me, skepticism is healthy when it is seen in an open-minded way of gathering information in order to make an informed decision. To me cynicism, on the other hand, has an underlying bias built in. There is no ability to create a dialogue (suspension of previous assumptions in order to learn something new) in cynical mode because the person's mind is already made up.

I suppose the fact that I even feel the need to write a post about this topic shows my bias toward open-mindedness, which seems a little oxymoronic. Underlying the entire topic is my innate desire to connect with people on a more-than-surface level, so I suppose that is my own lesson here.

What do you think? Is there a distinction in your mind between skepticism and cynicism? Or does it even matter?

What, really, is authenticity?

I had the pleasure of attending the celebration of the life of Napoleon Hill in Anaheim October 24-25. This amazing event was hosted by Greg Reid and Sharon Lechter, co-authors of Three Feet From Gold, the next version of the classic Think and Grow Rich.

At this event I had the pleasure of meeting and hearing some really inspiring people including Mark Victor Hansen, Bob Proctor, T. Harv Eker, John Assaraf, John Gray, Les Brown, Darren Hardy (publisher of Success Magazine) and many others, including Greg Reid and Sharon Lechter.

I learned a lot, and met other great folks who were attending the event, and also got a lot of validation for the learning path I find myself on.

One thing that especially struck me, more as a question than an observation, was a question I've learned from Byron Katie's "The Work" and that question was: "Is it true?"

There were some speakers/presenters from whom I felt total authenticity and integrity; and others ... well, I just can't put my finger on it, but it feels as if they are operating out of scarcity and lack mentality. And that observation got me thinking about my own thinking.

How often have I gotten caught up in what I "should" do because it's what "they" think or say or do? I know I've exuded a faker or poser or impostor mentality at times where what I say and what I do are not in harmony. I think there is probably a time in all our lives when we really are "faking it to make it," especially when we're starting out in new levels of awareness.

I am learning that there are cycles even to levels of awareness and that "success" (whether that's in the traditional sense of finances and material wealth or in finally figuring out the combinations that make us truly wealthy from the inside out) can come to people at any level of awareness.

I wonder how often people are saying and doing what they think is the "right" thing when they're really not feeling that way at all. We "fake it," sometimes even from ourselves when we're inauthentic with our actions and our thinking processes. We seek approval from others to validate what we're DOING, but we don't believe them when they tell us what we think we want to hear because deep down we know we're faking it.

So do we ever really want to hear the truth? And whose truth are we seeking? Carl Jung said that “He who looks outside his own heart DREAMS, he who looks inside his own heart AWAKENS.”

This can't be an easy process; however, if we're seeking true authenticity there can be no other way to find it. There is no painless quick fix to the search for authenticity, but there is a painful quick fix: to look inside and come clean.

I believe that authenticity allows connection because when the walls are down, the feelings can be accessed. As we spend so much time in our heads, trying to analyze everything, we distance ourselves more and more from our feelings where the true connections can be made.

Sure we have to begin to think, because that is where can make conscious choices. But the way to alter the results we're getting in our lives is to look at the results, trace them back to the actions which produced them, trace the actions back to the feelings and then look at the thoughts that produced the feelings.

The end result is not to think about every little thing all the time, but to transcend the need to analyze - to get beyond thinking to allowing. This is what Eckhart Tolle was telling us in A New Earth. When we can transcend labeling and judging and even thinking in words, we can allow the access to what Napoleon Hill calls Infinite Intelligence - and what Tolle calls Presence. And, I guess, what I'm calling Authenticity.

Practice BEING today - even for a few moments. BEING goes beyond thinking. It's a state of allowing what is to just be. Notice what you notice and see how that feels. Try not to have an agenda (I understand this could be difficult - the intention is the first step).

Our authentic selves do not have to be scary. If authenticity is where connection happens, that could be a real draw to letting down the walls. Human BEINGS attract human BEINGS.

Who BE you today?

External Validation is Over-Rated

"The unexamined life is not worth living." -Socrates

I find myself doing most of the examining of my life while driving, and this morning was no exception as I was on my way to my Saturday Master Mind group. My examining lit upon the subject of external validation.

As I drove east on Main Avenue this morning, I wondered why even as a 40-something "adult," I still sometimes realize I'm seeking outside myself for approval or acceptance. I know better, but sometimes I notice that I've made that mean more than it should.

For me the challenge - which I accept happily - is feeling what I feel without judgment. I remember as a kid and later as a young adult learning to stuff my feelings and think my way through every challenge. Consequently I became a great thinker - but I lost some of my empathy regarding others and myself during those years.

It's interesting how selective my memory is when reflecting on those years. I'm sure there were many and varied messages coming my way, but I seem to fixate on the memories of those comments that somehow implied I was wrong, or I shouldn't do or think or say or feel something I obviously felt compelled to do or think or say or feel. Why I gave up my own opinions to others during those years is beyond me now, but I did.

Now, with heightened awareness, I definitely KNOW better, but don't always DO better. Thus the dilemma.

Why do I still find myself at times looking for validation or appreciation or approval from people who can't - or don't know how - to give it? And why do I discount the many, many places I DO receive that appreciation and validation? And, the biggest question of all: why the need for external validation at all?

I find that I'm a verbal processor, so I am a huge fan (personally) of Master Minding: getting together on a regular basis with like-minded and like-hearted folks who I trust to listen objectively when I need to verbally process and give me honest feedback - and feedforward - when I request it (and even when I don't, but need it anyway!). It's not always easy for a recovering perfectionist to hear that I may not have it all figured out all the time, but that's what growth is all about.

Of course, the goal is to get to the point where questioning and processing is no longer necessary - to the point where knowing what I know is enough. But until that time, I'll trust that my own personal growth plan will give me more wisdom so that I can be the best coach and facilitator I can be. I understand more and more that that is one of my gifts, and I just want to be able to provide that for more and more individuals and organizations - and be well compensated for it - so together we really can change the world.

As we improve our communication skills at work and at home, more and more of us will get to that place of just knowing - where we don't have to work so hard to convince people of our point of view, but are open to learning from each other.

The process of waking up is a slow one for me, but gratefully it's a continuous one!

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." -Carl Jung

What's beyond knowing?

I've always been curious. I don't know what made me that way, I just know that since I learned to read at age 3, I've had an insatiable appetite for information.

But what I'm finally starting to realize is that it's not the information (in form) that fills that appetite anymore - it's inspiration (in spirit).

I used to believe that there would be just one more article, one more book, one more blog that I could read to get the information that would stop the curiosity - fill the hole that I seemed to have inside of me. I wanted desperately to connect with others, but I think somewhere deep down what I really wanted was validation for my questioning nature.

Asking better questions gives us better answers. I think we all can agree that is true. "How are you?" is a question, sure, but the answers we get when we ask that question in passing are about as revealing as a bundled up kid in a North Dakota winter.

One of my "aha moments" around my questioning was when I realized that I've always searched for answers outside myself to determine who I really am. If I can find something that resonates with what I believe about myself from someone with more authority, I can get validation from that source to back me up without revealing too much about myself specifically. If someone else has thought something I think, then I can't be too strange or odd.

But Helen Keller said "What I am looking for is not 'out there,' it is in me."

So, if I know that, I mean really KNOW that, does that change the questions I ask? What does it mean to KNOW something? This blog's title implies that you do know more than you think (and maybe the way that statement itself is worded opens up possibilities in dialogue). But if I really KNOW things, then I wouldn't have to ask questions anymore. And I wouldn't feel the need to defend a position. And I wouldn't feel the need to prove a point or debate a position or need to be right. In essence, if I really KNOW things, I would have peace.

Hmmm.

So the fact that I continue to blog - and ask questions - tells the world that I haven't really found peace and I don't really KNOW anything.




Yet.

The Lost Leadership Skill

If you were asked about the characteristics you believe true leaders exemplify, what would be on that list? (Go ahead, take a few minutes and do that. I'll wait.)

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OK, do you have a list in your mind? What's on your list?

Trustworthiness? Respect? Knowledge? Passion? Integrity? Confidence? Intelligence? Compassion? Inspiration?

Now before we get on to the one skill I think is really important, I ask you: do you consider yourself a leader? Do you exemplify those characteristics on your list? Are you hoping for those traits to be given to you by those you consider to be leaders but not ready to step into that role yourself? Just something to think about.

Now, onto the one skill I think could move us lightyears forward in our communication abilities and skills in anything we endeavor: the ability to listen first, and then to "get" each other. Listening is a skill we can certain improve through practice. But even beyond the ability to listen is the ability to examine our own intentions and go beyond listening to what people are saying to what they are communicating beyond the words.

True communication involves the ability to create dialogue - suspending previous assumptions in order to learn something from everyone. When we begin to step up our own leadership characteristics before expecting them in others (and add true "getting" to our own list), then I truly believe we will change the world.

Look at your list again. Which of those characteristics you're looking for in others are you willing to take on yourself? I like how Marcia Wieder says it in "Beyond the Secret": What is your WOW - something you can do Within One Week?

I'm developing my skill of "getting" other people this week. Not getting something from others, but getting others. There's a distinction.

I had the pleasure of attending the Sunday night Landmark Education session for my two amazing friends Kelly and Steve last night. Each of the participants was encouraged to take on two new ways of seeing the world based on what they had learned during the course. I'm taking on being charismatic which, according to their definition, is giving up "in order to" and trying to get somewhere; and also being peaceful, which is giving up the notion that "there's something wrong here."

If I'm really WITH the people I'm with this week, I'll begin to GET them. And that's deeper than just hearing them or even listening to them.

What would our businesses, our schools, our governments, and our churches be like if we all just practiced GETTING each other? Reminds me of a John Lennon song somehow ....

Brand New Mind on 09/09/09

TODAY, 9/9/09 is the day for setting powerful new goals, leaving the past where it belongs, and turning over a new leaf. What will you pack for this journey and what will you leave behind? Make up your mind to transform your mind and get ready for whole new outlook!

As adults, we have some work to do to change our minds from the way we have seen the world. Children have only to make up their minds, so now is a great day to wake up to your life.

One way to hit the reset button on your old programming is to ask new questions of yourself. One really great place to start is by asking yourself “What keeps happening to me? What do all the seeming problems in my life have in common?” It’s simply a matter of changing the way you look at things – changing your mind – to create entirely new perspectives.

Our mind thinks in pictures, not in words, yet most of us , when asked “what does your mind look like,” have never even considered it. Many will conjure up a picture of a brain, yet your brain is part of your body. Your mind is really an activity evidenced in every cell of your being. In fact, it's really the BEING behind the human.

And your mind consists of the conscious mind – the part that can think, can accept, reject or neglect any thought that comes to it; and the subconscious mind – the part that has no ability to reject a thought and must accept whatever comes to it as fact.

The stark reality is that when you were a baby – and some researchers say that this is true up until your early 20’s – the conscious, thinking mind is not even fully developed. So everything that gets programmed into that subconscious – FEELING – EMOTIONAL mind is accepted and conditioned. All the information there gets turned into your PARADIGM – your worldview – and anything that doesn’t fit there feels uncomfortable, even if that worldview doesn’t work anymore.

Your mind is perfectly programmed to give you the exact results you’re getting in your life. The universe works 100% of the time and the way to alter your results – starting TODAY – is to change your mind. SIMPLE … not always EASY.

So today, make up your mind to change your mind about your results. Be willing to undo the subconscious programming that has given you the results you’ve been getting and know beyond the shadow of a doubt that your present results are absolutely no indication of your future – whether your present results are positive or less than positive.

The really fabulous news about that is that by simply waking up, you begin to realize that you have the ultimate control over absolutely everything that comes into your WIDE OPEN mind. You have the ability to accept, to reject or to neglect any thought that occurs to you, REGARDLESS of your past conditioning.

Today, 9/9/09 is a perfect opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start all over with a Brand New Mind!

Reflections on Labor Day

There are so many thoughts going through my head today, not the least of which is the stark difference between what this day meant to me as an employee and what it means to me today as an entrepreneur.

Although I had a great career during the time I was an employee (great pay, good benefits, interactions with various co-workers which made life interesting), I remember distinctly looking forward to vacation days and holidays so I could do what I wanted to do for myself.

As an entrepreneur, I really do have that opportunity every day. Sure, there are things I don't enjoy doing as much as others, but for the most part every day is a product of my creation and my invention. (Today, for example, on my "day off," I'm going to a coffee shop to work on my next book. Who knew I had that in me? And who knows what that will turn into - or not? Either way I'm learning and growing.)

So why is my mindset so different now than it was 6 years ago when I gave up my W-2 and the perceived security of that steady paycheck? Why can't we find a way to bring our whole selves to the workplace when we're employed by someone else? I have a feeling that's what my next book is going to be about - the pursuit of happiness (spelled correctly!) at work. Or maybe the decision to be happy in life and then show up at work or something like that.

We'll see what happens. I'm grateful to the idea that's found me, at least for now. If in everything I take on I continue to grow and learn, then no project or activity can possibly have been in vain. What will I have to show for it? An expanded mind that serves me better than ever in absolutely every endeavor.

Thank you to everyone who works to make this country grand ... and this world a better place to live. I'm dedicating my career to supporting the folks who believe in their workplaces and want to make each day an exciting growth opportunity for everyone employed there. Please let me know how I can help. At Bock's Office we are committed to creating memorable and effective learning experiences that expand peoples' thinking and allow them to live their capacity.

Watch for more information about the new book (which, I think, was just created during this blog post!). Now I'm accountable for keeping my word so, here goes.

It'll be a labor of love conceived on Labor Day!

Enjoy the day - I know I will!