Saturday, June 26, 2010

You're not Listening!

Or, better yet, "You're not hearing me!" I've wanted to shout that at so many "thems" in my past who just weren't getting it.

I've been forced more than once to take my own idea or opinion from someone else who I thought I had communicated with in asking for feedback about said idea or opinion.

"That was my idea," I found myself muttering to anyone who would listen, and usually finding that no one was listening.

That's the point.

All the time I've been accusing "them" of not listening and really not hearing (there is a difference), it turns out I've not been communicating.

I'm realizing now that as a trained communicator (at least that's what the graduation program said under "major") I know a whole lot of "how" but apparently didn't really get the whole "why" thing as it related to communication.

Instead of deciding my intention for talking about anything, somewhere along the line it became much easier to be a victim of what "they" just didn't get. Never mind that without a clear objective on my part as the "communicator," it would have been darn near impossible for them to interpret my "communication" goal.

Of course, this all made perfect sense in my head, where most of the conversations with "them" took place. The problem was "they" were very seldom - if ever - present for those conversations.

Instead of blaming "them" for not getting it or not seeing my brilliant ideas as catalysts for shared action planning, how could the results have been any different than they were?

Really, by taking on the "you're not listening" stance, I had every opportunity to be right about that because I really wasn't communicating in a way that could ever be heard or gotten by said "them" (which mysteriously changes in every circumstance).

So my recent aha within the context of communication is clarity in intention, meaning, before I say anything, I will formulate my own desired outcome and do more asking and inviting than just random idea generation. What is my WHY related to brainstorming? That will be up to me before I throw out the ideas.

Am I really committed to action or do I just want to kick around ideas and hope someone does something?

The formula put together by the universe is perfect. My life is perfectly drawn up to give me the results I've been getting. It's a law. So the only way to change the results is to change the input.

So don't be surprised if I ask you your intended results or outcome when we get together for coffee. Or if I tell you my WHY when I schedule a meeting.

It may take some practice to get different results, but I'm committed to taking that on.

You're not listening ... or I'm not communicating? I know which half of that equation I'm responsible for, and I can do better.

Thanks for listening.


At 2:10 PM, Anonymous Lou Ann Bennett said...

Thanks Jodee! I love your ability to be authentic, take ownership and responsibility! It's inspiring and causes a change reaction within me to do the same! True leadership!

Your blog reminded me of a conversation I had recentluy with a friend of mine as she was sharing with me a book by Malcolm Gladwell called Outliers. It's fascinating how communication is linked culturally.

I love our decision to explain the why behind the act. I was just listening to a Ted presentation by Simon Sinek about how some leaders are able to inspire and others aren't. Most people get what they do. Some know how they accomplish what they do. All inspiring leaders know and explain why they do what they do. It's leaders like you that move people to action! It's the why that inspires and explains the value! If we believe it we will do it! If we share what we believe we connect to others who resonate on this level...and at least understand and can choose to follow or not.

Simon says: tell the people why and they will understand and be motivated to act!

The challenge is to be present with ourselves and know the why!

Thanks for the reminder! Thanks too for being an authentic leader!

At 10:33 PM, Blogger Jodee Bock said...

Hey Lou Ann! Sounds like we have a lot in common (Outliers and Malcolm Gladwell and TED!).

Love what you share here. Thank you so much for creating a dialogue even through the blogosphere!

Take care and talk to you soon!


At 10:38 PM, Blogger Phaedra said...

I really hear you on this Jodee. It's so easy to get caught up in 'they didn't listen', but you nailed it. I am a trained counsellor, but I often easily forget that not everyone 'gets it' and if they don't, that they can ask for clarity - but most won't. So what I try to practice is if I am discussing something important, whether at work or in my personal life, and I want to make sure I am being heard - I now ask the person (s) to whom I am speaking with to repeat back what they heard me say.Sometimes the retorts are so far out left field it`s mind boggling, but I guess that is when the real work starts.

I totally agree with Lou Ann on being authentic - this is how we grow ourselves and become better teachers for those who are unaware or struggle being present. I am also a huge Why person - if I have the Why, then I have something concrete to work from. A platform of sorts. I admire people who know they are not perfect and are not afraid to admit it!

Truthfully I have been really struggling this weekend, with a co-worker who really is not hearing anything but the sound of her own voice. I have been more than frustrated and even taking on some of her projections, but then I decided to come take a peek at your blog, and well, I can go to bed feeling re-inspired. I am really glad I came across your blog, as almost everything you write rings true for me. It`s like someone is explaining the Why.

Thank you :)

At 8:49 AM, Blogger Jodee Bock said...

Phaedra: I'm so grateful for your comments! It's fun and rewarding to know that there are other kindred spirits out there who can share in, and learn from, each other. Thanks for being one of those for me!

At 10:43 AM, Anonymous Dan Hoefs said...

...and remember, if you really want to communicate with someone so that "they" get it you have to first be on their frequency. You have to go where "they" are.

At 10:49 AM, Blogger Jodee Bock said...

Yes, Dan - that's why I thought of you when I wrote this! I'm grateful for your comment here. Way to get out of your comfort zone! I appreciate your perspective so much, so thanks for playing!


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