Are You A Heavy Thinker?
This came across my inbox today and I just have to share it. I can relate!
This is from Jeff Staniforth, a metaphysical scientist who offers affirmations to help you help yourself.
If you are like me and have a heavy thinking problem, you might find some humor in this article. Or, if your problem is a serious one, you might not get the joke. Either way, read on!
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now
and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to
another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew
it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me,
and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment
don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and
I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What
is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had
turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.
She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss
called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to
say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you
don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I
confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much
as college professors, and college professors don't make any
money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any~money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to
cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I
stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with
NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the
big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me
As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass,
whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is
heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably
recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never
miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences
about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life
just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
-- Author Unknown